Antidisestablishmentarianism

Joke..

2009-11-04T00:43:00.001-08:00

One of the funniest joke i have ever heard ><

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to
see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked
up.

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the
pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst
premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and
read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted
to avoid a scene with mom, and you. I have been finding
real passion with Karen, and she is so nice. But I knew you
would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
tattoos , tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is
much older than I am. But it's not only th e
passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Karen said that we will
be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a
stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children. Karen has
opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and
trading it with the other people that live nearby for
cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Karen can get better;
she deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care
of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to
visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son Tyler

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there
are worse things in life than a report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

Nuff Nang?

2009-10-31T06:45:00.000-07:00

Asia pacific blog awards.

on a friday night, nuff nang invited 400 bloggers to this glamorous gala dinner @ the pan pacific grandballroom.

There are 12 awards to be given to bloggers in this event.

1) Best Blog Shop, 2) Best Food Blog, 3) Best Fashion Blog,
4) Best Parenting Blog, 5) Best Travel Blog, 6) Best Geek Blog,
7) Best Celebrity Blog, 8) Best Entertainment Blog,
9) Best Original Blog Design, 10) Most Influential Blog,
11) Best Hidden Gem and 12) Region’s Best Blog.

To conclude:

Best Blog Shop goes to Bonito Chico,
Best Food Blog I eat I shoot I post,
Best Celebrity Blog was given to Joanne Peh,
Best Entertainment Blog to Kenny Sia, and
Xiaxue won 3 awards at one go - Most Influential Blog,
Best Original Blog Design and Region’s Best Blog.
(all of this originated from x-Tin's blog)

The test result.

2009-10-09T02:01:00.000-07:00

The Test Results

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask,
"Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
"I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown,
holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand
and takes a close look, and says
"There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies,
"That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

The bullet.

2009-10-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

The Bullet

A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed.

A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen.
She is then rushed to the hospital.

Miraculously, she is unharmed.
After giving a full examination, though, the doctor tells her,
"I have good and bad news for you."

"You are going to have triplets, but each baby has a bullet in it.
Luckily, they have hit no vital organs, and eventually your children
will pass the bullets naturally."

Twelve years pass, and she has forgotten the incident in the bank.

One day, the first child, a daughter, comes to her mother and says,
"Mom, the strangest thing just happened. I was using the toilet,
and I passed a bullet."

The mother explains everything, and she assures her daughter
that everything is okay.

A few weeks later, the second child, also a daughter, comes to
her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened."

The mother interrupts her and says,
"You passed a bullet, right?"

The mother goes on to tell the daughter the story.

Several weeks later, the third child, a son, comes to his mother and says,
"Mom, the strangest thing just happened."

The mother interrupts him and says,
"You passed a bullet, right?"

The son says, "No, Mom"
I was masturbating and shot the dog!"

Marie.

2009-10-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

Marie

When Marie was 16, she hoped that one day she would have a boyfriend.

When she was 18, she got a boyfriend, but there was no passion.
So she decided she needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

In college she dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen,
cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So Marie decided she needed a guy with stability.

When she was 25, she found a very stable guy but he was boring.
He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.

Life became so dull that she decided she needed a guy with
some excitement.

When Marie was 28, she found an exciting guy,
but she couldn't keep up with him.

He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met.
He made Marie miserable as often as happy.
He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.

So Marie decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When she turned 31, she found a smart ambitious guy with
his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him.
He was so ambitious that he divorced Marie,
took everything she owned, and ran off with her best friend.

And now, Marie 47 decided to find a guy with a big dick

Fifty inch LONG

2009-10-06T03:19:00.001-07:00

Fifty Inch Long

There's a man who has fifty inch long penis.

But sadly to say, he can't get any sex, because every woman
who sees it, faints at the sight. So he goes to the doctor and
begs him to shorten it. However, the doctor refuses.

The doctor can't shorten a perfectly good penis, and so
he tells the man, but he does happen to know a witch who
lives in the forest and that she might be able to help.

The man with a heavy heart, decides to go to the forest and
visit the witch, though of course he thinks it's all a bit odd.
But he sets off into the forest and sure enough finds the witch
sitting in front of her cottage casting spells.

"Witch," he says, "please help me, I have a fifty inch long penis
and no one will have sex with me!"

The witch takes one look at his massive cock and then says,
"Wow, you do need my help!!! But you must go into the forest
and find the magic frog who lives in the pond.
Ask him to marry you, and each time he refuses, your penis
will shrink by ten inches!"

Weird though this is, but the man is desperate, so off he goes
into the forest. And, sure enough, he finds the magic frog singing
a Xmas carols quietly to itself.

"Froggy," he shouts, "please marry me!"

The frog looks up, annoyed. "No!" he croaks,
"I can't do that, seeing as how I'm a frog and you're a man."

The guy looks down, sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches!
"It's unbelievable!!!" The man shouted!

However, it's still too long for sex, he thinks, at forty inches,
but he's delighted, so he shouts back at the frog:

"Oh, go on, please marry me!"

"No - I told you once!" the frog croaks, "I can't do that!"
The man looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by
ten inches again! It's now only thirty inches long!

The guy thinks this is wonderful but, still, another
ten inches off would be perfect!

"Frog," The man roars across the pond, "please marry me!"

The frog looks extremely annoyed, shakes his head and shouts,
"No ..........NO.....AND FOR THE LAST TIME.........NO!"

Fuck up

2009-10-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Things that bother me

1) No HL milk for a week.
2) Losing things
3) Not very good with "hello's", (people loathe me for that)
4) Growing older (I don't mind growing taller.)
5) Getting more and more impatient with people around me
6) Being lost in this realistic world
7) Gaining weight
8) Lose my sense of innocence and sincerity
9) Wake up 6am everyday when school starts.
10) Diet
11) Getting more clueless and careless day by day
12) Getting weird
13)Losing a DOTA game simply because of noob team.

Now probably you'll just think that I m a complete idiot!

Anyway, for the first time in my entire life, I seriously think that
I should be shot with a gun, arghhh... a gun that just enough to hurt me
but not enough to kill me!

Simply because I failed again.

So Touching...

2009-10-01T23:56:00.000-07:00

A real story of a inspirational love between a father and son.

A really nice movie which somehow touches my heart.

Dear meat

2009-09-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what
kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates,
so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, "It's what mommy calls me some times."
The little girl screams to her brother "Don't eat, it's an asshole...!"

HEhe

2009-09-29T07:56:00.001-07:00

Shall blog tomorrow.

Toilet Joke.

2009-09-27T16:00:00.001-07:00

Toilet joke - this might happen to you.

Mike was barely sitting down in the bathroom

when he heard a voice from the other stall saying:

"Hi, how are you?"

Mike is not the type to start a conversation in the restroom
but he don't know what got into him,
so he answered, some what embarrassed,

"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that?
At that point, Mike is thinking this is too bizarre so he say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point Mike is just trying to get out as fast as he can
when he hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just too weird for him but
he figured he could just be polite and end the conversation.
Therefore he tell them ,

"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then he hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back.
There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all
my questions."

haha~

Tomorrow

2009-09-26T20:40:00.001-07:00

I SHALL BLOG TOMORROW ! I SHALL !

Does god exist?

2009-09-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

All i can say is that, Albert Einstein is a real genius.

Article

2009-09-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

I have readan article and feel that it's rather meaningful, and so i'd like to share with you.

Answers to Your Life

Me: Why are we constantly unhappy?

God: Uncertainly is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty...

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without fiction.
Gold cannot be purified without fire.
Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.
With that experience their life becomes better, not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests?
Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are purposeful roadblocks offering beneficial
lessons to enhance mental strength. Inner strength comes
from struggles and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where
we are heading....

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.
Look inside.
Looking outside, you'll dream.
Looking inside, You'll awaken.
Eyes provide sight.
Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than
moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others.
Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you.
Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead.
You work with the compass.
Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far
you have to go.
Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?"
When they prosper, they never ask "why me?"
Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be
on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, "Who am I, why am I here?" I can't get
the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here.
Create it.
Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best of our life?

God: Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.

Love and Marriage?

2009-09-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

A student ask a teacher,
"what is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question,
go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi
and come back.

But the rule is: you can go throught them only once
and cannot turn back to pick.
"The student went to the field, go thru first row,
he saw one big padi,but he wonders....
may be there is a bigger one later.Then he saw another bigger one...
but may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the padifield,
he start to realise that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw,
he know he has missed the biggest one,
and he regreted.So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...that is love,
you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise,
you have already miss the person...."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.The teacher said,
"in order to answer yourquestion,
go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn
and come back.But the rule is: you can go throught them only once
and cannot turn back to pick.
"The student went to the corn field,
this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake,
when he reach the middle of the field,
he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy,
and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn....
you look for one that is just nice,
and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get....
that is marriage .. . . .

A very nice story...

2009-09-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

From the very beginning, Faith's family objected
strongly on her dating with Mike, saying that it has to do
with his faimly background and Faith will suffer
for the rest of her life if she were to to be with him...

Due to family's pressure, Faith and Mike always quarrelled.
Through Faith loved Mike deeply, she always asked him,
"How deep is your love for me"? As Mike is not good with his words,
this often caused Faith to be very upset.
With that and the family's pressure, Faith often vents her anger on Mike.
As for Mike, he only endured it in silence.

After a couples of years, Mike finally graduated
and decided to further his studies overseas.
Before leaving, he proposed to Faith...

"I m not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you.
If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life.
As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me"?
Faith finally smiled and agreed.
With Mike determination, the family finally gave in
and agreed to let them get married.
So before Mike left, they got engaged.

Faith went out to the working society, whereas Mike was overseas,
continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails and phone calls.
Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while Faith was on her way to work,
she get knocked down by a car that lost control.
When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed and realized that
she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her.
But she realised that all could come out of her mounth was juat a sigh.
She had lost her voice... . . . . . . .

The doctor says that the impact on Faith's brain
has caused her to lost her voice.
Listening to her parents's comfort,
but with nothing coming out from her,
she broke down. . .

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry..
it's still just silence cry that accompanied her.
Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same.
Except for the ringing tone of the phone, which pierced into
her heart everytime it rang.

Faith does not wish to let Mike know and not wating to be a burden to him.
Then she wrote Mike a letter saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to Mike.
In return, Mike sent millions and millions of reply, countless of phonecalls. . .
all Faith could do , besides crying, is still crying...
The parents decided to move away,
hoping that Faith could eventually forget everything and be happy...

With a new environment, Faith learns sign language
and started a new life.
Telling herself everyday that she must forget Mike.
One day, her friend came and told her that Mike is back.
Faith was afraid and asked her friend not to
let Mike know what happened to her.
Since then, there wasnt anymore news of Mike..

A year has passed and her friend came with an envelope,
containing a invitation card for Mike's wedding.
Faith was shattered. . . . . .
But when she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.
When she was about to ask her friend what's going on,
she saw Mike standing in front of her.

Mike used sign language to tell her
"I've spent a year to learn sign language.
Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise.
Let me have the chance to be your voice. I love You"
With that, Mike slipped the ring back into Faith's finger.
Faith finally smiled....

Laughters

2009-09-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

Japanese food... so kawaii so cute...

Have a good laugh. Laughter is good for soul?
Yes. Studies show laughter reduces stress hormones, strengthens immune systems n releases endorphins.. and lessens anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions and provides a physical and emotional release so you feel revitalised...

Therefore laugh more and you'll feel refreshed and revitalised from the inside out..~

Nightss

2009-09-19T08:34:00.000-07:00

I play till dawn, work till dusk, that's basically me.

I loathe to stay awake at night, the silence and the darkness
always plays with my mind, and I will be so unwillingly to admit
having an emotional state of loneliness =(

yeah. So NIGHTS and sweet dreams. ^^

Sigh.

2009-09-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i long as every human being does, to be at home were i can find my soul.

Living in the past memories causes me to miss out on the present's life,
and if I could control my heart, I would stop it. And to tear away a part of me
and let you go . . .

One Piece movie 7 |8 |9 | One piece TV | Wacth One Piece Episodes Online Free

2009-09-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

One Piece movie 7 |8 |9 | One piece TV | Wacth One Piece Episodes Online Free

Watch the number 9 movie if u have time, it's a quite sad for me. Yeah hope ya enjoy.

2009-09-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Watsup?

o.O

2009-09-16T15:43:00.000-07:00

Haha, nothing to write about le. So i will write again if i thinks of 1 kay?

Friends?

2009-09-15T00:26:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what are friends for? for me, i think friends should help one another when possible. And they should trust each other. I just realised that friendship needs no word.If you think it's painful for you to criticize your friend. Then you are a true friend. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, then i suggest you should hold on to your wicked mouth.

Boring.

2009-09-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

Many said, never argue with an idiot or dumbass, because they will definitely drag u down to their level, then beat you with their nonsense. Agree?

Have been watching one piece movies non stop, and have been trying to learn some english sentences out of the one piece sub title.

All i can said that is tonight, i have been really BORED!!!

One Piece ~!

2009-09-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

ONE PIECE SONG - KOKORO NO CHIZU

Best japanese anime songs i have ever heard it my life.

It is about their long journey and some of their fights it is really nice I hope you will like it. It's a superb song. Enjoy!

T

Epic One Piece Moment- Final Farewell to Going Merry
shraw hat crew's saddest moment.

It's so sad that even the heaven are crying of snows T_T.
Even i almost cried. T_T How sad..

Ants vs termites : The Showdown (An epic battle)

2009-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

Ants versus Termites is just like a battle of pure offense versus defense. The former are born killers, raid places, hunt animals. The latter are builders, that create true fortresses. And this music is truely HOLY SHIT!

Fucking nice video, and more to come..

Centipede VS Tarantula VS Scorpion.

2009-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

First round, Scorpion vs Tarantula. I wish the scorpion had won! he was like "Eh man, back up I've got claws and a stinger!!, back up!!" and the tarantula was like "Come on, I'm right here whatchu gonna do!!" that was a great battle. But the tarantula shouldn't have won Man!

Second round, Tarantula vs Centipede. I think the reason why the Tarantula won is because there was barely any space that the centipede could utilize and the tarantula size was too big for the centipede to fight.

Third round, Scorpion vs Tarantula again?? this match was stupid. It has the same outcome as the first round.

Insect abuse?
HAHA.

Fire ants VS Iraqi spider.

2009-09-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

Very interesting video, Fire ants vs Iraqi spider. I thought that the ants will win since ants has outnumbered the spider, unexpectedly, the spider won. OMG, very interesting indeed.

The spiders is going crazy running around like a mad dog biting every ants it sees in its way.

HeHE, i'm so tired to continue, shall continue tomorrow kay?

So, Goodnight.
Sweet dreams ^^

To Be Continued... with more interesting videos.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo

2009-09-11T17:18:00.000-07:00

Owww~~! my legs are ruined, continously working for 12 hours .Have been standing throughout the whole of 12 hours, so my legs needs a long night rest kay?

Can hear my legs jeering already~! boooo.

Few minutes ago i stupidly asked jason on MSN "Are cherry trees pink??

Before he replied i already google-imaged and INDEED THEY ARE!

Actually only the flower are pink .
These are recognise as sakura (cherry blossom) trees.
Nice isn't it?

Please listen.

2009-09-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

PLEASE LISTEN.

If you happens to be a guang yang student, you might have seen this before

Whatever the case is, please look through it again. Enjoy!

When I ask you to listen to me
and your started giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why
I shouldn't feel this way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don't talk or do--just hear me.
Advice is cheap;20 cents will get
you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham
in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and
inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact
that I feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can stop trying to convince
you and get about this business
of understanding what's behind
this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are
obvious and I don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when
we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes,
for some people--because God is mute,
and he doesn't give advice or try
to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work
it out yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute
for your turn--and I will listen to you.

This whole poem exactly shows how I feel whenever Im with my friends.
Anyway, I like this poem very much. How about you?

Embarrassment.

2009-09-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

I remember around last year,my fren and i went for a movie at amk , but i felt so disgusted by my fren's manner. I mean, he actually fart at the cinema?

Alright, i know farting is a very natural and a good sign of a good health and body diet. But it is kinda unacceptable for me and for goodness sake! he is actually farting in a public place like the cinema???

And worst still, if he farts and keep a straight face no one will actually knows that he did it. But me who look so embarrassed because he farts, and my face actually went red, appeared to be the 'culprit' ?

OmFg la...

Argh......

After the movie end we went for a quick dinner. But thought that the whole thing sounds so hilarious that he kept laughing like HOO HOO HAR HAR !!

I mean, this isn't funny at all, and like obviously if he wants to fart or something can't he just go to the toilet or maybe give me a minimum notice?

This shows that he sucks MAN!

TaNNie , today's ur Bday right?
If u happens to read this .
Please leave some comment hor!
happy Bday for u and congrats to u that u finally reach 17.

ONCE UPON A TIME.....

2009-09-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today us a real tired day, 3 days didn't sleep well.
Some more still have to go work!
"I really do not know how i survied that 7 hours of working time."
After that when i reach home, then i realised that i forgot to bring my keys! OH No!
So, i got no choice but ended up at this lan shop T_T.
spended 3 hours + for this kinda stupid story of a snow white which i edited it with some funny stuffs.
Its been 3 days since i have created this blog but still no comments at all! im so pissed off.
Anyone which thinks this story is nice please give some comments Man!
Alright then! the story may begin....

(remember to give comments.)

Once upon a time there was this woman who looked like Cher. She may have once been beautiful, who knows? But now, she just looks scary beyond all reason.
So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.
The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.
The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess. Now there's a problem.
As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more.
One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!
"AHEM!"
The King and Snow White jumped apart.
"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"
The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.
"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"
"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me.
I find no use for it except to whack you."
"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."
"Who is that?!" "Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."
"Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"
The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.
"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"
"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.
"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."
"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"
I am King. I do whatever I want.
So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.
"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"
The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"
The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces. "Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "
Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.
She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.
Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear.One of them was reading a porn magazine.
You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution of the earth, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse.
Snow White screamed in horror. But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?
A maid of course.
The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer. With this, Snow White lived for a few months.
She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.
In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.
So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.
And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no!
But she will have to take chances. The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives. Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see... Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What a smell...
Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.
The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart.
She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his precious lips, they are oh, so soft....
Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunk, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...
"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.
"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."
"Are u gonna marry me?"
"Yes, my dear..."
"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"
"No, no, and no..."
"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"
"Children?"
"Children as well. And dead people."
"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."
"Are you rich?"
"Yes. I am a millionaire."
"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"
"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."
"Oh my God you are perfect!"
"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."
"Yes, yes my Prince..." With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse. She arrived at a construction site.
"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.
"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.

"Actually I've got something to tell you. My name is Joe Millionaire.

"Snow White vomitted blood and died on the spot, this time for real.
*****
Oh my I am so bo liao. HAha LOL.

Height Issues

2009-09-07T23:20:00.000-07:00

Oh ya, just now i came across this article about height, its kinda interesting, anyway what is it about height anyway? I dun see why that is a plus point at all. Sure, it helps u take stuff from high selves. Sure, the air u breathe is fresher. But so?

Perhaps u guys forgot the cavemen story on how height became an important factor for beauty nowadays. Maybe I should post the article here.

Indeed, I shall. For those of u who read it before, please read it again !

Once upon a time very very long ago, the earth was only populated by Cavepeople and perhaps some sabertooth tigers. The Cavepeople were divided into groups by their height, coz the taller ones are usually the stronger and more successful. The tall cavepeople are leaders because it is more possible for them to find food as they are the ones who can reach higher up the trees for fruits, and go deeper into the rivers to catch fish.

Not unexpectedly, they run faster too (longer legs, longer strides), thus they dun often get killed by the said sabertooth tigers.

The leaders of the pack, aka the Tall Cavepeople, decided one day that Tall is good, Tall is beautiful, Tall is everything nice.

Being tall cavemen, they wanted tall cavewomen too, so that the cavewomen dun look so stubbed (I dun think there is such a word, but heck care!!) standing beside them. Besides this, tall cavewomen cannot claim that they are too short to wash clothes in the river without being washed away. This point, the tall cavemen liked!

So they started to make Tall Cavebabies by only letting the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewomen have sex. And boy did they have sex! They oooh! and ahhh! all day long in the day, mating and mating. (haha)

Slowly, the Short Cavepeople foresaw what is going to happen to them. You see, God was fair and mighty in those days, and he made the short cavepeople smarter instead of taller and stronger. The Short cavepeople knew that with more Tall Cavepeople, they would be kicked out of the gang to become outcasts pretty soon, and be bullied more.

The Short Cavepeople were totally against the idea of the fruit of Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman's labour.

And they were short. So they can't do much about it, except whine the whole day and give the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman a kick whenever they passed by that eventful cave. Not that the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman noticed of course.

The Average-height Cavepeople were pissed with all the pandemonium. In fact, they were pissed with almost everything. They were the only type of people God seems to be unfair to. God gave them half brains and half height.

In fact, the Average-height Cavepeople were so pissed with the constant moaning of the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman, and the constant whining of the Short Cavepeople, that they can't take it any longer. They took out a parang (a kinda knife their kind invented) and slaugthered the shit outta Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman.

It may be interesting to note that Tallest Cavewoman was killed exactly when she got her first orgasm, also marking the first pre-historic orgasm ever (She was 13 and stood at 1.87m) in the records of history. From then on people concluded that girls like excitements such as being threatened with a parang while having sex and therefore came bondage and sado-masochism.

Anyway, we can imagine the aftermath of the bloodshed. The tall cavepeople were very angry with the Average-height Cavepeople for the unreasonable killings of the Tallest of their kind. They decided they shall tolerate no more of such nonsense, and with a huff, they took the pre-historic heels they made for their then-still-not-that-tall cavewomen and left the place

Without the Tall Cavepeople's help to catch food, the rest suffered significant losses in their meals. Secretly the smart Short Cavepeople were inventing fishing rods and arrows and spears for easier gaming, and they once tried to teach the Average-height Cavepeople how to use those things, but they were just to dumb to learn.

Instead, the average-height Cavepeople decided that it was the Short Cavepeople's fault for whining in the first place, and started to beat the Short Cavepeople up whenever they can. The Short Cavepeople, being kind-hearted fellows actually, started to decided it IS their fault that the Tallest Caveman and Tallest Cavewoman got killed.

With the beatings and the guilt, they could take it no more and migrated in an opposite direction to the Tall Cavepeople.

The Average height Cavepeople were in a loss. Now, they were lazy bastards and were very happy with the Short Cavepeople's catches but now that both the Tall and Short were gone, they had no food.

So they secretly followed the Short Cavepeople, and stopped a few hundred of kilometres away from them, coz they discovered that their country has a few nice islands.

A few earthquakes which split the earth and a few billions years later, the Tall Cavepeople found themselves in Paris, and that'swhy the supermodels all got great height. The phrase looks like a model was actually a shortened form of Looks like a living model of the Tallest Cavewoman.

The Short Cavepeople, now having evolved into wimpy people not willing to voice any opinions (and not to mention, short), were actually there before Sang Nila Utama came to our sunny island, called Singapore.

The barbaric Average-height Cavepeople, being stupid, can only watch from a distance the success of the Short community (of course they will succeed coz they are smart) with a very sore eye.

They, up to this day, still bully the Short community because the Short community is tolerant and good-natured. One day, we will reach up to our limits and fire all the Average height workers working in our country. We see how they will survive!!

Alright! So now u know why height is seen as being important in our society. However, nobody stopped to think that ladders have render tree climbing useless.

Boats have rendered deep river fishing useless.

Cars have rendered escaping from wild animals useless, not to mention that the Sabertooth tiger is extinct.

So height has no use whatsoever nowadays. It is just and age-old tradition that tall is good. Yes, tall men look stronger, thus it is undeniable that they look better.

But tall women? There is no need to look strong at all for women.

Tall is good, but short is better. Now learn to say Wow, she is so short! in the same breath as Wow, she is so tall! and dun be one of those stupid people so influenced by society; view. Afterall, short people tend to live longer. Look at those Japanese.

I can hear u short people cheering :)

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

The Ugly Truth for falling in love with someone was allabout the romance game. Agree?

I m seriously so keen to watch the movie "The Ugly Truth",because it really interest me so much!

I think this movie fits the bill and definitely worth the pricefor theater tickets!!!

And so, why wait?

Be a fan at the official Facebook page and catch The Ugly Truthwhen it opens in the cinemas on the 17th September 09!.

Anyway those who are interested in this movie, you are welcomed to come also.

Touches my heart.....

2009-09-07T06:31:00.000-07:00

Without a perfect body, one can find a perfect soul...

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze us, because they're
supposed to help us to discover who we are.

One of my close friend send me this video of an incredible dog
named Faith.

Faith was born with just three legs. Two healthy hind legs and
one abnormal front leg which was badly deformed and needed
to be amputated.

She could not walk when she was born, however
she was lucky enough to meet her present owner that
put her through several training and now Faith can walk like a
human being.

Faith story touches my heart ... what about you?

So i just feel like sharing this amazing story with everyone,
especially that "someone", that we should be appreciate
and thankful for each beautiful day that follows.

I love my past and my present life, and i will not be ashamed or sad even if i have it no longer.

This is my favourite korean song. Enjoy !

1 + 1 = 3 ??

2009-09-06T15:29:00.001-07:00

Hi, who am i? im zhi xiang, im 195 months old and 9 more months to my next birthday. YAY!
About ME
LOVES DOTA/ loves movies/ loves dramas/ loves myself/ loves family/ loves white/ loves god/ loves fruits/ loves HL milk/loves sleeping/ loves playing/ loves sleeping /loves fighting/ loves being stubborn/ loves frens/ loves smallduck(jia qing)/ loves music/ loves cats/ loves computer/ loves laptop/ loves sweets/ loves chocolates/ loves everyone out THERE!!

THINGS WHICH PISS ME OFF
.......Don't get too pissed off , if I say something you dislike.
.......I may pissed you off, because I'm seriously pissed off too.

1. People who wake me up in the early morning, and ask me
a stupid question that my brain is just too tired to answer.
.......
2. Motherfucking bus driver who saw me running towards
the bus in the wing mirror, but still drive off happily.
.....
3. Stupid people who are laughing at their own jokes.
Especially when it isn't a joke, but a barely humorous observation.
......
4. Also, when others are still repeating the same joke over and over.
And over, and over again.
Missing a phone call because I was busy doing something else.
And then immediately calling that person back a million times
only to have him NOT answer.
....
5. When people saying "Life is short? I mean " What the fuck?
I think life is the longest irritating thing anyone ever fucking does!
.......
6. Pop stars that can't sing for holly shit but they're still having a
thriving career because they have famous and talented relatives.
Eg: Sun Ho
......
7. People who constantly argue with me when I'm absolutely right.
......
8. People who insist they are right all the time and won't admit they
make a mistake, even if I prove them wrong with factual evidence
to back it up, just because they are overbearing and have to be
right and think they fucking know everything.
....
9. People who think they're cool, and try to be funny but never
shut their damn mouth up!
......
10. Taxi drivers who never shut their damn mouth up!
....
11. When people never return missed calls, and seriously
taking others for granted.
..
12. Men who are short and fat, and still think they are cool!!
....
13. Motherfucking aunties taking things for granted.
.....
14. Motherfucking manager who orders me around ike a dog __
...

2009-09-06T15:29:00.000-07:00